Hello blog. Haven't done it for ages.

Why? Nothing really (just lazy)

Right now i'm trying to concentrate on my EE.

But you know when it comes to homework,

doing anything else in the world would be better than hwk :P

Went to Sri Lanka with Chloe, Hilary, Phoebe and Juno :)

Had some small issues with some; but I think it's all sorted now!! :D

I always get sick before, during or after a holiday.

Seriously -_-

The moment I came back from Sri Lanka, I'm sick. SICKKK OMG.

Caught with a bad cough hehe, i don't wanna see the doctor tho.

But yeah, hopefully i'll recover soon and fast!

Alot of homework to do and revision to do.

But i'm not fucked yet :( fml.

Halloween bash is coming.

Don't know if I should go, don't know if my parents would let me.

Damn.

I feel like my life is a paradox.

Things never end out the way it should be.

Or at least the way I wanted it to be.

Just wished that things would turn out right for once in my life :\

I don't want to be over obsessive with things.

Nor do i want to be under obsessive. Virtue ethics. yes. LOL.

I feel a little lost and confused.

Maybe useless too :O

xxxx

J.

P.s Hopes everything will be resolved asap :)

P.p.s GONNA BLOG ALL THE TIME (yeah :)))

???Idc.

There are so many things that ran in my mind today.

Some that I can't forget.

Some that I can't remember.

Woke up, didn't start out with a good day.

English - squeezing all the othello information in my brain is like WTF.

Stressed for my philosophy work cause I have quite abit to do.

Then stressed for my textiles cause I have tons to do and my meeting is tmrw.

I KNOW I DID TERRIBLE. I'M SORRY BUT I COULDNT HELP IT OK.

I pray that tmrw goes smoothly because I really need this.

Please.

Could this be the first day in my life that nothing screws up. I neeeed this so bad.

Planning to stay up all night revising MATHS.

Totally. Conference phone, all studying maths (y)

Kinda don't wanna talk about the rest that happened today.

Because it just all goes down down down.

& Just makes me wonder who I really am.

& Maybe I'm in the wrong place.

xxx.

J

Hehe.

Hai :)

So today? I didn't go to school.

I've been lacking a lot of sleep lately :(

So much work to do at school yet I'm still being so lazy.

GAHHH.

I had a sweet hibernation today and woke up at 12.

Watched house bunny which was pretty good.

Baby had to go to work today & he was quite busy.

I slacked all day & I didn't even do my work.

So now I'm here doing it.

I'm didn't revise for maths!! Freaking screweeeeed :(

Oh well.

:(

&&&&&&

Today; I ATE SO MUCH. IDK WHATS WRONG ME.

I keep feeling hungry like right after I eat.

Seriously fuck you stomach :(

Oh yah and JERON is also looking at my blog so if he sees this HI :)

and this is for you;

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/polls/277000/277693_1249183457504_full.jpg

xxx.

J.

P.s I love you pig (Oink)

Surprise :b

Surprise DUDE :X! You can finally look at a new post.

I chose this image cause I seem to have a weird affection for mustaches but oh well.

Anyways...

Maths test on Friday - UPG!!

Discussion week - I GET MY EE BACK AND IM SCREWED @@

Lots of work to catch up but I'm too lazy :(

Tennis was cancelled yesterday due to sudden amber rainstorm at 6pm!!

I haven't played for like 3 weeks. My skills are probably like noob as hell again.

Today? Baby's day off ;P

Stayed after school for some discussion and designing things.

Got home at around 6 and talked to my babyyyyy ♥

He was watching Friends with Benefits and I was watching

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER :) HURRAY IT'S BACK.

I've been dying to see season 7 like since forever okay.

After that just lazed around and talked to some asshole.

Oh yah.

Sorry baby for being so moody just nao.

I didn't mean to make so much trouble.

But i'm going to bed nao 2:45.

I love you ♥

Goodnight xxx

J.

P.S HI JERON YOU STALKER. I MISSED YOU KAY. JUST NOT AS MUCH :P

oh yeah this is for you :)

http://edu.glogster.com/media/3/11/59/72/11597233.jpg

The last swimming gala '11 of my high school.

Of course, i'm not in the 2 pictures above as I was in 6 races this year!!

6 races is the max hehe!!

Won 5 medals (2 Golds, 3 Bronze)

Shame that I lost my butterfly race :(

But the people who won it, deserved it.

I'm so happy this morning because I was talking baby this morning :) :)

He wished me luck and I won 5 medals :) hehe!! Thank you baby.

Hehe. Still am happy because when I got home.

I got talk to him till now :) :) :) :) :) :)

I love you baby xxx

J

takemyhand.

Skyping with some asshole that I love right now ♥

Last night approximately 3 hours of sleep :( tired omg.

Talked to my baby till school started.

Quite tired at school today but thank god it's friday.

"I'm looking forward to the weekenddddddd"

Anyways tons of work to catch up so it's going to be a busy busy weekend.

Jeraddd is going to work so now, i'm so lonely :( :(

Oh yah and today he ignored me for 57 minutes - for no reason!!!

Asshole right.

But I still love him.

xxx.

J.

Hectic zone.

Just read that & thought.

It totally applies to me.

Except the part where I love my flaws and my imperfections.

Cause I still do hate them.

& I still want to be someone else.

What I want exactly?

Still not sure about that.

All I know is.

I know that there' more to life than you know it.

Right now?

Hi happiness bye sorrows.

I need my rainbow after the rain.

Oh yeah apart from the fact that i'm piled with work at school.

So shit.

:\

Anyways so back to homework.

xxx

J.

P.s I'm falling head over heels for you.

Cursed.

Life is full of up and downs, where's my up?

So I'm totally cursed.

I wasn't going to go to school, turns out.

I'm actually sick, I actually can't go.

I'm kinda losing my voice which is kinda awkward.

Awkward balloon.

I'm going to blog early because I'm doing my daily routine today.

Da gym. Work. Study. Procrastinate some more.

These few days I'm actually on the cliff of my feelings.

I'm going to reach the time of the month and I'm seriously getting paranoia.

@Everything.

Shut the front door right? LOL

Just did some online shopping - hoping they'll be pretty :)

So "life is good" - quoted from my beloved hun!

Other than that, I don't plan to blog later. Hopefully.

xxx.

J

P.s you've manipulated me. thanks - i'll hang in there.

Give me sleep please.

Why do we bother with love, if it never lasts.

School started for 5 days. I'm lacking sleep.

Kill me please.

I'm exhausted.

I feel terrible.

I love you, I miss you, I still think about you.

Yet I don't know how to confess to you.

What if she's still the girl you love?

What if she's the one you still want.

Most likely.

Everything you do, you always put her in your thought.

I wish I was the one.

I wish I was her.

I wish I was the girl you loved most.

xxx

J.

P.s Short post cause I cbf & finish my EE. Wish me luck 3000 words.

You happy, I happy.

Temptation is a killer

I cannot resist the temptation to look at your profile.

To see if you're doing okay.

To see if you're being good.

But I cannot bear to see quotes of love cursing my eyes.

I'm truly happy for you,

but it hurts to see she makes you happy more than I do.

I've resisted the temptation to look at your profile.

To see what you've been doing recently.

You still mean a world to me.

You still mean the same to me.

Somehow I don't think I'll ever let this go.

I'm happy enough to see you the way you are now.

:)

Happy.

I told you once that I only ever wanted to see you happy, see you smile.

I'm glad I let you go.

I'm glad I set you free.

Because this is what you are now.

I was trapping you, endangering our trust, torturing you feelings.

I was a terrible person.

I was a horrible person.

I didn't purposely want to do this, I just wanted security.

Security and trust is something that is hard to gain from me.

Especially from past experiences.

Please stay happy forever.

xxx.

J

P.s I had a dream about you today, that you came back.

I was so happy until I woke up into this nightmare of reality.

Better enough, I'm glad I met you in my dreams.

Comes and goes.

Everything is temporary. Everything is replaceable.

I wanted to be the girl of your dreams.

I wanted to be the girl you'd never give up on.

I wanted to be everything that I'm not.

There's nothing that you'll know of that won't leave.

Even yourself.

You don't know when the hell you're going to die.

You don't know what accidents will happen in your life.

Or should i say fate.

Only when things are gone, you will realize what more there is.

To grow up my whole life knowing that everyone departs.

I should start to get used to it.

Primary school. High school. University. Work. My Family.

They will all be different.

In primary school I grew up with different cultured people.

Knowing that there is no racism because they treated me like a family.

I love you guys, I wish I could find ways to contact you back.

But i'll just have to wait.

Currently in high school.

Grew up with 1 best friend that departed for a better education.

In loose contact with her, please come back. I miss you.

I have so much to tell you. I have so many things I've never told you.

Currently staying with my aznz gang :) I love them sincerely.

They've been around for a while :) & I know they won't leave.

Because next time round - university.

I'm leaving.

I hope we won't loose contact.

& I hope we stay as close as we are now.

I'll miss the moments of my phone spazzing.

I'll miss laughing with you guys.

I hope that everything does turn out well.

There are rough times where we all through.

Let's just pray things get better.

xxx.

J.

P.s Don't forget me cuz I still want you.

Omggg.

"Procrastination is the thief of time"

YEAH.FML.

I'm such a procrastinator.

I have so much work to do before Sri Lanka. Omg.

- Extended essay

- 4 Econ IAS

- 2 Philo IAS

- 2 Textiles IAS

- Maths portfolio

- Uni apps
- Uni portfolio

- IOC.

LIKE WTFBBQ.

I feel fucking stressed but lazy.

highly motivated to do nothing!!!

Seriously need to start my extended essay or else.

THE WORLD WILL END...

Anyways today woke up as per usual.

went to therapy - same things as usual.

My mom french braided my hair to go out!!

Then she fishtail braided it when i got home :)

Prettayeee :) Of course, I think it looks better on blondes.

Cuz like for asians it's just a black blob of hair and you can't even tell what's the diff.

LOL.

Changed the case of my iphone (again) LOL.

Bought a new bikini, shorts, clothes.

Random shit.

& I still feel like I don't have enough stuff.

Dear God, please give me unlimited access to my credit card.

Thank you. LOL.

I love youxxx

P.s can you make my mind stop procrastinating. I really need to do shit.

Anyways other than that I've had a good day.

I'm glad to have bonded back with a few of my friends :)!!!

Good to keep in touch babes <3

xxx

Love you guys

J.

P.s don't forget me.

For the record.

You stole my heart & then you kicked it aside

Wake me up.

Seriously.

Feels like hell.

You're still running on my mind.

But this time, you're not alone.

You've got her.

I can bitch about her.

I can stab her back.

I can gossip about her.

I can hate her.

But it's still not enough.

Because she has you.

A weapon like you. Is seriously, unbeatable.

I'm just waiting to get over it.

Jane why are you so pathetic.

Why are you such a loser?

xxx.

J

P.s for myself - Check my vaccinations

Suck on this bitch.

"Don't cry over spilled milk"

Yes. Don't.

Why are you crying because things that happen, happened?

Why are you crying over a person who threw you in the trash?

Why are you blaming yourself?

Because you don't want to ruin the perfect illusion of who he is.

Who he'll NEVER be.

I may have drowned in my tears.

I may have stabbed myself a few times.

I may continue to cry under my blanket.

I want to know.

Why the fuck would I believe an asshole like you.

Why the fuck would I be hurt by an asshole like you.

Why the fuck would I cry for some asshole like you.

Some words from truly deeply down my heart.

Fuck you, and fuck your life.

I loved you with all my heart.

With all my sincerity.

With all my effort.

Gave up so much.

And after all.

All for nothing.

I just want to let you know.

Everything I wanted.

Every time I got mad at you.

Is because I wanted what she has.

She has everything I want.

I don't like you. Especially the way you treat me.

Before, during, after.

But I disgracefully still have to admit I haven't let go.

But I will.

& I'll prove to you.

I am strong.

XXX

J.

Just on the note.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Simple, short and snappy.

There are many interpretations to this quote.

To me.

When life gives you a chance, make the best out of it.

No matter what circumstances, just kill through it.

Because in the end you'll realize. It'll all be worth it.

I once had a friend, let's call her Lily.

My best friend since 12.

She left me at the age for 15.

Why? Who knows.

She was my bestfriend.

My last bestfriend.

At times arrogant, proud, weird.

But I loved her.

Me and her would always get along however this once.

My first time arguing and will be my last.

I was selected as head prefect, whilst she didn't get prefect.

She wad mad.

She was crazy.

She told me:

"I've lived up to more than what you have"

"I've done so much more to deserve this"

"I've worked up to this point where you're not worth"

Those words hit me hard.

Hit me like hell.

I didn't go to school for a week.

I cried at home because you know what.

She's right.

She did deserve it more than I do.

She lived up to it.

She worked for it.

But she was wrong in approaching me in such a mannar.

Our gang split because this issue became so big.

We didn't talk for weeks and weeks.

Until.

Finally.

You know what.

The truth is. It doesn't matter who says sorry.

I apologized first because It was the matter of our friendship.

I thought she was wrong but who cares.

In friendship there's no right and wrong. You're better or i'm worse.

There's no balancing weight to weigh out our issues.

I said sorry not because I felt wrong.

But because we are friends.

Friends that are bonded so simply yet destroyed by something so delicate.

It struck me to know that she did not want to apologize.

It didn't matter.

I knew her and deep inside.

If she was human, she would have felt guilt.

She could have shouted at me like that.

She could have stabbed me in the back.

But you know what.

Forgiveness is the answer.

Forgiveness is the key.

Forgiveness is what we all want.

xxx.

More soon.

J.

P.S Day 1 @ School. Not so bad :)