Cursed.

Life is full of up and downs, where's my up?

So I'm totally cursed.

I wasn't going to go to school, turns out.

I'm actually sick, I actually can't go.

I'm kinda losing my voice which is kinda awkward.

Awkward balloon.

I'm going to blog early because I'm doing my daily routine today.

Da gym. Work. Study. Procrastinate some more.

These few days I'm actually on the cliff of my feelings.

I'm going to reach the time of the month and I'm seriously getting paranoia.

@Everything.

Shut the front door right? LOL

Just did some online shopping - hoping they'll be pretty :)

So "life is good" - quoted from my beloved hun!

Other than that, I don't plan to blog later. Hopefully.

xxx.

J

P.s you've manipulated me. thanks - i'll hang in there.

Give me sleep please.

Why do we bother with love, if it never lasts.

School started for 5 days. I'm lacking sleep.

Kill me please.

I'm exhausted.

I feel terrible.

I love you, I miss you, I still think about you.

Yet I don't know how to confess to you.

What if she's still the girl you love?

What if she's the one you still want.

Most likely.

Everything you do, you always put her in your thought.

I wish I was the one.

I wish I was her.

I wish I was the girl you loved most.

xxx

J.

P.s Short post cause I cbf & finish my EE. Wish me luck 3000 words.

You happy, I happy.

Temptation is a killer

I cannot resist the temptation to look at your profile.

To see if you're doing okay.

To see if you're being good.

But I cannot bear to see quotes of love cursing my eyes.

I'm truly happy for you,

but it hurts to see she makes you happy more than I do.

I've resisted the temptation to look at your profile.

To see what you've been doing recently.

You still mean a world to me.

You still mean the same to me.

Somehow I don't think I'll ever let this go.

I'm happy enough to see you the way you are now.

:)

Happy.

I told you once that I only ever wanted to see you happy, see you smile.

I'm glad I let you go.

I'm glad I set you free.

Because this is what you are now.

I was trapping you, endangering our trust, torturing you feelings.

I was a terrible person.

I was a horrible person.

I didn't purposely want to do this, I just wanted security.

Security and trust is something that is hard to gain from me.

Especially from past experiences.

Please stay happy forever.

xxx.

J

P.s I had a dream about you today, that you came back.

I was so happy until I woke up into this nightmare of reality.

Better enough, I'm glad I met you in my dreams.

Comes and goes.

Everything is temporary. Everything is replaceable.

I wanted to be the girl of your dreams.

I wanted to be the girl you'd never give up on.

I wanted to be everything that I'm not.

There's nothing that you'll know of that won't leave.

Even yourself.

You don't know when the hell you're going to die.

You don't know what accidents will happen in your life.

Or should i say fate.

Only when things are gone, you will realize what more there is.

To grow up my whole life knowing that everyone departs.

I should start to get used to it.

Primary school. High school. University. Work. My Family.

They will all be different.

In primary school I grew up with different cultured people.

Knowing that there is no racism because they treated me like a family.

I love you guys, I wish I could find ways to contact you back.

But i'll just have to wait.

Currently in high school.

Grew up with 1 best friend that departed for a better education.

In loose contact with her, please come back. I miss you.

I have so much to tell you. I have so many things I've never told you.

Currently staying with my aznz gang :) I love them sincerely.

They've been around for a while :) & I know they won't leave.

Because next time round - university.

I'm leaving.

I hope we won't loose contact.

& I hope we stay as close as we are now.

I'll miss the moments of my phone spazzing.

I'll miss laughing with you guys.

I hope that everything does turn out well.

There are rough times where we all through.

Let's just pray things get better.

xxx.

J.

P.s Don't forget me cuz I still want you.

Omggg.

"Procrastination is the thief of time"

YEAH.FML.

I'm such a procrastinator.

I have so much work to do before Sri Lanka. Omg.

- Extended essay

- 4 Econ IAS

- 2 Philo IAS

- 2 Textiles IAS

- Maths portfolio

- Uni apps
- Uni portfolio

- IOC.

LIKE WTFBBQ.

I feel fucking stressed but lazy.

highly motivated to do nothing!!!

Seriously need to start my extended essay or else.

THE WORLD WILL END...

Anyways today woke up as per usual.

went to therapy - same things as usual.

My mom french braided my hair to go out!!

Then she fishtail braided it when i got home :)

Prettayeee :) Of course, I think it looks better on blondes.

Cuz like for asians it's just a black blob of hair and you can't even tell what's the diff.

LOL.

Changed the case of my iphone (again) LOL.

Bought a new bikini, shorts, clothes.

Random shit.

& I still feel like I don't have enough stuff.

Dear God, please give me unlimited access to my credit card.

Thank you. LOL.

I love youxxx

P.s can you make my mind stop procrastinating. I really need to do shit.

Anyways other than that I've had a good day.

I'm glad to have bonded back with a few of my friends :)!!!

Good to keep in touch babes <3

xxx

Love you guys

J.

P.s don't forget me.

For the record.

You stole my heart & then you kicked it aside

Wake me up.

Seriously.

Feels like hell.

You're still running on my mind.

But this time, you're not alone.

You've got her.

I can bitch about her.

I can stab her back.

I can gossip about her.

I can hate her.

But it's still not enough.

Because she has you.

A weapon like you. Is seriously, unbeatable.

I'm just waiting to get over it.

Jane why are you so pathetic.

Why are you such a loser?

xxx.

J

P.s for myself - Check my vaccinations

Suck on this bitch.

"Don't cry over spilled milk"

Yes. Don't.

Why are you crying because things that happen, happened?

Why are you crying over a person who threw you in the trash?

Why are you blaming yourself?

Because you don't want to ruin the perfect illusion of who he is.

Who he'll NEVER be.

I may have drowned in my tears.

I may have stabbed myself a few times.

I may continue to cry under my blanket.

I want to know.

Why the fuck would I believe an asshole like you.

Why the fuck would I be hurt by an asshole like you.

Why the fuck would I cry for some asshole like you.

Some words from truly deeply down my heart.

Fuck you, and fuck your life.

I loved you with all my heart.

With all my sincerity.

With all my effort.

Gave up so much.

And after all.

All for nothing.

I just want to let you know.

Everything I wanted.

Every time I got mad at you.

Is because I wanted what she has.

She has everything I want.

I don't like you. Especially the way you treat me.

Before, during, after.

But I disgracefully still have to admit I haven't let go.

But I will.

& I'll prove to you.

I am strong.

XXX

J.

Just on the note.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Simple, short and snappy.

There are many interpretations to this quote.

To me.

When life gives you a chance, make the best out of it.

No matter what circumstances, just kill through it.

Because in the end you'll realize. It'll all be worth it.

I once had a friend, let's call her Lily.

My best friend since 12.

She left me at the age for 15.

Why? Who knows.

She was my bestfriend.

My last bestfriend.

At times arrogant, proud, weird.

But I loved her.

Me and her would always get along however this once.

My first time arguing and will be my last.

I was selected as head prefect, whilst she didn't get prefect.

She wad mad.

She was crazy.

She told me:

"I've lived up to more than what you have"

"I've done so much more to deserve this"

"I've worked up to this point where you're not worth"

Those words hit me hard.

Hit me like hell.

I didn't go to school for a week.

I cried at home because you know what.

She's right.

She did deserve it more than I do.

She lived up to it.

She worked for it.

But she was wrong in approaching me in such a mannar.

Our gang split because this issue became so big.

We didn't talk for weeks and weeks.

Until.

Finally.

You know what.

The truth is. It doesn't matter who says sorry.

I apologized first because It was the matter of our friendship.

I thought she was wrong but who cares.

In friendship there's no right and wrong. You're better or i'm worse.

There's no balancing weight to weigh out our issues.

I said sorry not because I felt wrong.

But because we are friends.

Friends that are bonded so simply yet destroyed by something so delicate.

It struck me to know that she did not want to apologize.

It didn't matter.

I knew her and deep inside.

If she was human, she would have felt guilt.

She could have shouted at me like that.

She could have stabbed me in the back.

But you know what.

Forgiveness is the answer.

Forgiveness is the key.

Forgiveness is what we all want.

xxx.

More soon.

J.

P.S Day 1 @ School. Not so bad :)